Washboard Abs to the Rescue! AND Benfica Can’t Afford to Luz

By: Greg | October 24th, 2007

rickabs Porto at Olympique de Marseille, 2:45 Eastern – Ricardo Quaresma brings his magic feet, washboard abs, and a bus load of sex appeal into the ~~Thunderdome~~ Vélodrome where he and his Porto compatriots can expect to face a confident ~~Mad Max~~ Marseille team who are currently first in the group and hot off a win at the fortress formerly known as Anfield. Porto are on top of the domestic table after taking maximum points from the first seven matches. Having been off since October 7th, they are also well rested. This has given time for players such as defenders Jorge Fucile and Bosingwa and forward Postiga to get healthy. As a result, Porto certainly have a deep bench and a great many options to adjust tactically to the ebb and flow of the match. Here’s how I think Uncle Jezzy will position the Portuguese champions:

Don Ricardo Quaresma - Sektioui - Lisandro
Lucho - Assunção - Meireles
Bosingwa - Bruno Alves - Stepanov - Jorge Fucile
Paris Helton

I have a weird feeling that in spite of the fact that Marseille have managed to separate their abysmal start domestically from their amazing performance in the CL, Porto are going to thrash them today. I just see too many options and the ability of Ferreira to plug in way too many good players in case of injury or stale play. I’m going out on a limb here but from what I’ve seen from Porto this year and who I think they’ll march out there this afternoon, I’m throwing an insane prediction of a 3-0 away win with Quaresma netting two and that madman Sektioui poking in a third. I apologize in advance to any Porto fans who feel I have summarily cursed their team for today’s game. You’re probably right.

Celtic at Benfica, 2:45 Eastern – During a press conference leading up to the match, Benfica manager José António Camacho in one statement managed to flat out lie to himself and then point out the painfully obvious: “We are amongst the top teams in the UEFA Champions League” ba ha ha ha. I’m laughing at him more resoundingly than when the boss of Mingori Mining laughs after hearing Jimmy Dolan’s proposal that the Winabi play the Mingori team in order to keep their land, thus making The Air Up There one of the greatest Kevin Bacon movies of all time (if such a list even exists past “1. Footloose…”) Two losses out of two matches doesn’t exactly go a long way in making that statement hold any water. He continues: “…and we need to get closer to the other teams in the group. It is very, very important to get three points.” In order to do well, we have to win. In order to win, we have to score more goals than the other team. I hate fluffy, vacuous statements like this and wonder why reporters even bother using it to guide an article or a summary. If I wanted this type of vague crap, I’d listen to a Derek Jeter or Nuke Laloosh press conference.

Camacho doesn’t have the look or feel of a confident tactician. He sounds unsure and his players are responding accordingly. I no likey this game at all for Benfica, even with Celtic fresh off an embarassing 3-0 loss to rival Rangers. Benfica need this game and will have to play with a sense of real desperation. In spite of that, I think this is the death knoll for the Encarnados and think Celtic will win 2-1 with a late, meaningless goal from either Di Maria or Adu. Here’s who I think will be leaving the pitch with their heads drooped low:

Bergessio - Cardozo
Di Maria - Nuno Assis - Rui Costa - Rodriguez
Maxi Pad Pereira - Luisão - Katsouranis - Léo Di Caprio
Quim

Di Maria may or may not start, as Bynia’s an option and Adu’ll come on once Celtic seal it in the second half with the second goal. Enjoy the games. Good luck to both clubs. I’ll root for them both since we have to keep some form of Portuguese representation into the next round. Kisses ALL AROUND!!