The Mourinho Situation

By: Greg | May 27th, 2008

With such a dearth of decent domestic league news in Portugal today, I decided I might as well throw my two cents in on the current situation surrounding Portuguese International Man of Mystery, Jose Mourinho.

First off let me state that I’m a Chelsea fan and I absolutely fucking adore the guy. I think he’s cool, charming, and has an awesome presence. I like that he doesn’t take life or himself too seriously but that when his all is required, he gives his heart and soul to those who rely on him. I look forward to the day when he brings his passion to the sidelines for the Portuguese National Team. However, that day can wait. I’m fanatically blind to reality at this moment. Right now, I’m falling hook, line, and sinker for what will probably turn out to be nothing more than tabloid selling bullshit:

I want him back at the Bridge.

I know the UK paper the Guardian has come out and said that The Special One has quashed all rumors of his return. But view the linked article through Mourinho-loving, Chelsea-crazed eyes. Do you see any quotes? Do you see any sources cited? Who did he tell that he’s ruled out coming back? Please don’t tell me we’re to assume that Mourinho called the article’s author, David Hytner up to tell him what’s up.

Now, as crazed by my love affair with the guy as I am, I still am able to take a quick dip into reality and see that the probability of him coming back this season is pretty low. However, here’s three reasons why he just might…

1. His Fan Reception Would Be Unprecedented – Mark my words: There is no price that I wouldn’t pay for an opening match ticket at Stamford Bridge next season if he were to return. The sound in that stadium would shake the bedrock of the entire country. I’m willing to bet his name would be sung and ring throughout Stamford Bridge for the whole first match, and then some. Who wouldn’t get off on that kind of reception? If there’s a person who wouldn’t, Mourinho’s on the other end of the spectrum from him.

2. The Payday Would Be Massive – While Chelsea tend to overpay on everything and everyone, this would be even beyond that. If Abramovich wanted him back, he’d probably have to take whatever number(s) Mourinho’s had thrown at him and pay well over them. Based on the elusive Ferrari Roman gifted Jose recently, I’d say Mourinho has a definitive penchant for money.

3. Mourinho Would Become Entirely Omnipotent - Since he’s already omniscient, omnipotence is the next logical step. He would only take the job on the account that Roman sits his ass in the stands and signs the checks. This would make the team better from both an operational and a talent standpoint.

Chelsea lost a heartbreaker in Moscow six days ago. I’m still smarting from it, so I’m going to be prone to dreaming about things like this. I came back to the Offside after a long layoff. It’s Jose’s turn to follow my lead and return to the Bridge.

Pretty please?

With a cherry red Ferrari on top?