Only A Shoot Out Can Save Us Now!

Sporting and Setubal owe me a good 94 minutes of my life back. These two teams played such a boring, droning, and lifeless match this past Saturday. After two halves of non-Brazilian kaká, the format of the final dictated no extra time (THANK GOD) but was such that the two teams would decide the champion of the inaugural Carlsberg Cup via a shoot out. Oh, yippee. How apropos. Let’s take a crappy match and make it even worse as we determine the winner via probably the least accurate measure available in a football match: the good ol’ shoot out.

After the majority of the bar got over the concept of not playing extra time (a discussion which went on way longer than it really should have), the shoot out got underway. Let me quickly point out that I think these are a huge farce. I don’t have a better method which I’m trying to sell to football associations across the world, I only know that on a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sit on a throne of blood and pass judgment on all things football. And when it comes to shoot outs, I no likey.

However, due to a few definitive factors, this shoot out actually ended up somewhat redeeming the match. Among these factors were: relatively poor shot choice by the kick takers, goalies who CONTINUE TO HOP THIRTY YARDS FORWARD OFF THE LINE BEFORE THE SHOT IS TAKEN (can someone, anyone, please start to enforce this?), and the double Jack Daniels and diet cokes starting to find their way up to my brain. Couple all of these together and you now have a match that has come to life. So pop back a few drinks, hit play on the YouTube player below, and try not to let the fact that the goalie essentially stands next to the shot takers as they attempt to fire a one pound, 28 inch sphere 600 miles per hour past a man trying to guard a canyon (who actually succeeds multiple times). Make sure you keep it real. See you
明日.

PS – Setubal won on PKs.
PPS – No, the video quality isn’t bad, the game was just that shitty.

Category: Sporting, Super Liga

Tags: Carlsberg Cup, Setubal, Sporting, Super Liga

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