Lost in Google Translator

By: Greg | August 2nd, 2007

lit For those of you who can not read Portuguese, it’s a bit tough trying to keep up with what’s going on in our country’s world of football. A lot of the English language websites have either old, sparse, or incorrect (treat speculation as fact) news reports. The best thing to do is to go to the source. The three main Portuguese language newspaper websites I use and find to be relatively informative are A Bola, O Jogo, and the Record. While these websites are not without their Tribal Football-esque sensationalist (a nice way to say “bullshit”) stories, they tend to be right on top of the comings and goings of the Portuguese football universe.

Now you’re probably saying “That’s great, a lot of pictures and Portuguese words still doesn’t do me any good.” Au contraire mon frere. Not only did Google introduce us to clean, relatively reliable internet searching, but they also have a means of translating whole pages for you! (If you already knew this, shut your cynical mouth UP) However, the translations are borderline funny sometimes. I figured since I can “speak the lingo” that I’d translate a few stories, see some commonly mistranslated or misconstrued words and help you not fall on the floor laughing when reading about Simao moving to Atletico Madrid. Therefore, you will find below a glossary of terms which, when you translate the page over to English, don’t quite match up. On the left you’ll find what Google thinks the website’s trying to say, and on the right you’ll find a more reasonable facsimile of what’s being said.

FC Port = FC Porto (We’ll start off slow. If you’re this slow, please stay. It’s okay, there’s room for me to add a seventh person to my readership no matter how dumb you may be)
Technician = Trainer / Manager
Convoked ones = Group from which manager will select the Starting XI
Fig = Luis Figo
Large barrel = Tonel (Sporting defender)
League of the Champions = Champions League (That’s for those who were confused by the “FC Port” one)
Pear tree = Pereira (Common last name)
Nightgown = Team’s uniform / kit (notably the top)
It = He (Google seems to translate most words to gender neutral equivalents. These are PEOPLE not THINGS!)
Fleshes-color = Slang for Benfica (Awful color-related translation)
You’re welcome = You’re welcome OR Of Nothing (It’s contextual)
Healthful = Healthy
Equips = Team / Club
Lateral = Refers to a player who plays anywhere but the center (ie Winger, Right Midfield, Left Back)
Successful = To Win (Sometimes “successful” but almost always means to win)
Goblet of *Blank* = *Blank* Cup (Although “goblet” sounds so much better, in a Lord of the Rings kind of way)
Keep-nets = Goalkeeper
Greg = Tired of doing this list.

Help me out, fellow Chops! What other words is Google screwing up for the famished Portuguese football faithful?

PS - I needed any excuse to put that picture up as a movie reference. I feel I have found that excuse with this article, which was written not so much as an informative piece about words that Google mangles in translation, but more so as a reason to have that picture on my little blog here.