False Advertising and Crazy Comments
By: Greg | March 26th, 2007I implored the Offside faithful last Friday to go out and celebrate a made up holiday to a patron saint of Portugal. I recommended that you visit one of three restaurants in the Newark area of NJ. I MANDATED that you have the most delicious of desserts called Serradura(yes, capitalization IS necessary).
Following my own advice, I decided to go to one of the three mentioned bars and take the game in. Since I don’t want to lose my tab at the place I will have it remain nameless. However, on arrival I discovered that they no longer had the Dish Network which means no RTPi which means… NO GAME. To make matters worse, a woman seated behind me managed to snag the very last Serradura of the day… NO SERRADURA. Absolutely awful. I had to get text message updates about the game from this guy(no, seriously, I did) and eat a full meal with no promise of a quick trip to Heaven at the end.
Therefore, I apologize to any of you who went to the place expecting all that I mapped out. I found Quaresma’s sick goal on YouTube and had to settle watching the other ones on the site as well. Portugal won 4-0 but I can’t help feeling like I lost on the day. It’s Monday morning and I still have that empty spot in my stomach reserved for the Serradura which I never got to consume.
P.S. – If you want to laugh from some weird writing, check out the comments some crazy person calling themselves Allibaster has recently left on my past articles. I can only hope said individual comments this article as well to keep his/her streak of weirdness alive.
Category: Euro
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Today, I was watching my favorite show, Changing Rooms and found that Laurence Llewelyn Bowen was designing the most fanciful Moroccan themed bedroom. This casbah of love was outfitted with a silken canapy made out of the finest materials from Barnoldswick, England. The faux gold finish on the blinds made me quake with delight as Mr. Llewelyn Bowen applied the gold paint purchased from Home Depot while wearing his floral patterned blazer hemmed with tassles. However, I found myself drawn aback when they put the finishing touches on the bed posts which were made out of “Alabaster”. My parents have been spelling my name wrong the whole time, so I will discard the old Allibaster and don my new title, Alabaster.
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